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A Room of One's Own
by Keri Wyatt Kent
In the
1920s, many American universities and
libraries were closed to women. It was
assumed they had no need of higher education
or creative pursuits. Their role was simply
to support men in their endeavors. This
historical context helps us to see that
Virginia Woolf’s words in her 1929 book A
Room of One’s Own are particularly bold:
“Literature is open to everybody….
Lock up your libraries if you like; but
there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you
can set upon the freedom of my mind,” she
wrote.
Today, we can scarcely imagine not
allowing women to write books, study at
university, or be allowed into a library.
And yet, similar restrictions on women can
be found in one last hold-out in our
culture: the church.
True, a growing number of churches ordain
women and allow them to lead. And often,
women have been the backbone of the
church—unseen yet providing structure and
support without which things would likely
fall apart.
And these days, women are allowed not
only into universities and graduate schools,
but seminary. In fact, by some reports, they
now outnumber male students. A 2006 New York
Times article said 51 percent of U.S.
seminary students are women.
And yet, most of those seminary grads
were leading small churches or in associate
or assistant pasturing roles, while their
male counterparts were leading large
churches.
Even in mainline churches, which
have been ordaining women for several
decades, women are not always welcomed in
the pulpit. There are still restrictions on
what women actually do, even if the
“opportunities” are there.
Even women who are ordained find the
going tough. Barbara Brown Taylor’s
excellent memoir, Leaving Church,
tells her story of ministry (see review
below). She was ordained in the Episcopal
Church, but eventually hit a level of
compassion fatigue that made her decide to
leave the priesthood. She realized in part
it was her own perfectionism that burned her
out, and decided that she could minister
more effectively, and with greater joy, if
she were not an “official” member of the
clergy.
There is one other group that places
restrictions on women—unfortunately, it’s
women themselves. We neglect our own
spiritual, intellectual and professional
growth to focus on the care of
others—spouse, children, aging parents, even
needy friends. We fool ourselves into
thinking that this is the “godly” thing to
do. Really? Do godly men act this way? Many
of us do not have, as Woolf said, a room of
our own, a place to nurture our creativity,
our true selves, our inner life, our
conversation with God. In order to pour
ourselves out, we need first to be filled by
God.
You may not aspire to go to seminary. But
I hope that you aspire to think and to grow.
Handling the mundane details of motherhood,
from diapers to driver’s permits, can
sometimes be a lock on our minds, as Woolf
would say. I remember when my daughter was a
toddler, calling my husband at work to
complain, “I’m losing brain cells by the
minute!”
The work of managing a home and parenting
is important, but when it becomes the sole
focus of our lives, we shrink. We choose to
shun the freedom we have to be our own
person. Many of us need a dose of what I
call sacred selfishness—to tend to our own
souls because they have value. Self-care may
make us a better mother or spouse, but
that’s not the only reason to engage in it.
What does this look like in practical
terms? It varies, depending on the woman,
and the season of her life. For some women,
it means working outside the home—developing
skills and connections that give her life
texture. Or working from home—having a
little business that provides both income
and confidence. For others, it means
volunteering in their community or their
church. When my children were small, I
volunteered at church to help write the
newsletter. In that season, working on
something that stayed “done” in a way
cleaning and cooking and diaper-changing did
not was sheer joy.
For those of you who are in an intense
season of giving, it may be as simple as
having someone else take over care-giving
for awhile - not just once but regularly.
All of us need to carve out time to be
alone, time to rest. In solitude, we
remember that our roles—consuming as they
may be—do not define who we are. If you are,
like me, a working mother, this can be
difficult. How does one carve out time in an
over stuffed week? For me, a better word
(and less violent) than “carving out” is
“delegating.” The work of running a
household is a full-time job. But it does
not have to be the full-time job of one
person. It should be shared between all
members of the family. My productivity as a
writer, not to mention my sanity (and my
income), rose substantially when my children
and spouse took over some of the
housekeeping duties.
Have you locked yourself out of spiritual
and intellectual growth? What steps will you
take today to unlock your mind, to embrace
freedom? How will you care for your own
precious soul?
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