|
I am
writing this on a rainy Monday morning. I
like rainy days, because I’m less tempted to
want to be outside. And I love Mondays. They
are by far my most productive day. I think
this is because I practice Sabbath on
Sunday. So I’ve had an entire 24 hours away
from the computer, away from the demands of
my job. I’m refreshed and ready to go on
Mondays. It’s one of the hidden benefits of
keeping Sabbath.
When I got back to work this morning, I had
an e-mail in my in-box from Krista, who
wrote asking about Sabbath. Here’s what she
said:
“I lead a small group Bible study for
moms and we are working through your
wonderfully written book, Breathe.
There are 8 of us in the group, and we are
all mothers of children under age 5.
Our discussions have been great. I
know my life has radically changed, for the
better, because God has used the principles
in your book to redirect my focus. I
still need a lot of work.
“I do need your advice, however, on the
topic of taking a Sabbath rest.
Several of the mothers in the group have
expressed frustration with the fact that
they never get a rest—not with the day to
day tasks that are required by motherhood.
You allude to this fact in chapter 7, but I
wondered if you could expand on some
practical ways to deal with the daily grind
that happens for mothers, Sabbath or not.
I only have one child and a wonderfully
supportive husband, so I have trouble
relating to what it must be like for the mom
of three kids under age 4! Any advice
you can give would be much appreciated.
Thank you again for what your book has meant
to me. May God continue to bless your
work!”
I have a feeling Krista and her small group
are not the only ones asking these
questions. Which is why I am excited to tell
you about my new book, Rest: Living in
Sabbath Simplicity, which will be in
bookstores in January (although you can
pre-order it on
amazon.com right now). In the meantime,
though, I thought I’d answer Krista’s
question and invite all of you to offer your
comments and suggestions on my
blog.
So here
goes. Sabbath is a gift, and it's about
freedom. When you have small children, it
requires flexibility.
In the
Hebrew tradition, Sabbath began at sunset.
(Now, I realize that a lot of folks will
also point out that in that same tradition,
the Sabbath begins at sunset on Friday. For
more on the debate on which day of the week,
you’ll have to read my book.) Whether you
rest on Saturday or Sunday, start the night
before.
Families
with young children should focus on two key
aspects of Sabbath: preparation, and
participation.
Preparation: If you are having a guest
in your home, do you clean and do laundry
while that guest is there? I hope not. You
prepare for that guest by getting the
groceries you need, cleaning up. You prepare
most of the meal before they arrive, and
once they are there, you set aside your
chores so that you can spend time with your
guest. Even if you’re not particularly
gifted in hospitality, you do what you can
to prepare and make your home welcoming.
That means
the day before Sabbath will be, as it was
called in the Bible, Preparation Day. You’ll
prepare your home—getting the laundry and
major cleaning done, shopping for food. Most
moms I know who practice Sabbath spread
these preparations over a couple of days, to
make it easier. Many set up a meal in the
Crock-Pot for Sunday, or make a double
portion of a meal during the week, and serve
the leftovers.
One of my
favorite Sabbath meals is Stouffer’s lasagna
and Texas Toast. Preparation and clean-up
are about as simple as possible.
Make going
to church the focus of your day. Prepare for
this by laying out the clothes your children
will wear, getting a coffee cake or other
simple breakfast, so you (and your family)
have fewer meltdowns in the morning.
Think of
Sabbath as a visit from Jesus. He is an
honored guest in your home, and you do your
shopping and cleaning ahead of time so that
you can spend time with him. Love on the
people you live with as if they were Jesus.
Preparation
also means having a calm discussion with
your family about your desire to make
Sabbath a day of rest. Ask them to offer
their suggestions on what would be restful.
Which leads to my second point on Sabbath,
participation.
When I had
young children, I often found myself asking,
“Why do I have to do everything around
here?” Well, part of the reason I did
everything (or felt like I did) was because
no one else could do it right. And I didn’t
ask for help, I just did it. Or I just
ranted about it. Or I re-did what others did
the wrong way. Which is a recipe for
martyrdom.
If you have
children in diapers, you could ask your
husband to give you a rest from changing
those diapers on Sundays. His job most
likely takes him out of the house during the
day. While many dads change diapers, it’s
likely there is an imbalance in the number
of diapers changed. Plus, if he wonders,
like my darling husband did in that season
of our lives, what you do all day, letting
him change all the diapers for 24 hours will
help him understand part of what it is you
do all day.
You could
offer to let your husband take a nap on
Sunday, if he would be willing to play with
the kids while you take a nap. Better yet,
make everyone take a nap. Napping is an
important part of Sabbath!
The other
part of participation should happen every
day, not just on Sabbath. Your children and
husband need to learn how to do simple
things like put away toys when they are done
playing with them, put their plates in the
dishwasher after a meal, and so on. Even
very small children can learn this, and
should. I’m always amazed if one of my kids’
friends come over for a meal and don’t know
to clear their own plate from the table. (I
must say most of them are good about
this—and once they’ve had a meal at my home,
they learn the drill quickly). Train up your
children to be participants in your
household, not consumers. They should also
be helping you with chores during the week.
Even young children can learn to dust,
vacuum and even do laundry. Your job as a
mom is not to do everything for everyone,
but to prepare your children to be
independent adults.
I think
Sabbath intimidates people because they
think of it as an all or nothing
proposition. But really, Sabbath-keeping is
just a spiritual practice, designed to
create some space for God in our lives. If
we do it imperfectly, that’s okay. It’s a
journey.
As I said
earlier, Sabbath begins at sunset. So if you
have dinner with your family, hang out and
play with them, then get a good night's
sleep on Saturday night (maybe have your husband
get up with the baby) --that's half a
Sabbath right there. It’s a good start.
Build from there.
You can
also decide, what do I want freedom from on
Sabbath? For me, the first step was I
decided not to run errands or shop on
Sundays. So, I had to plan ahead and get
what I needed the day before. But now, I
enjoy the freedom of not having to run to
the grocery store or some other crowded shop
on Sundays. Even if that’s the only thing
you eliminate on Sundays, it would be a
great start.
I also have
a video of a talk I
give on this topic. You can watch it either
on my
website or at the
Zondervan website.
Just click on the gray box on the right that
says "play video."
I’d love to
hear other suggestions on ways to practice
Sabbath with small children. Leave a comment
on my
blog about it so we can share it with
everyone!
Book Reviews
 Mitten
Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in
a Hurry
by Katrina Kenison
Grand Central Publishing
$11.95
This book was a huge inspiration to me
when my children were young. I wanted to
live my life the way this writer obviously
did. Her message and even the way she wrote
conveyed a calm and practical way to
live—one in which she let her children be
themselves.
Here’s an excerpt: “Years from now, when
I recall summer nights from my boys’
childhoods, I am sure that one recurring
image will be the two of them at dusk,
running barefoot through the grass,
pell-mell, around our house. After each full
circle, they stop before us and place our
palms over their pounding hearts. For them,
the inner workings of their own bodies offer
an endless source of awe and mystery. We
stand there together, hands to hearts, as
their pulses slowly return to normal. Then
they are off again, flying, exhilarated,
reveling in their discoveries of air and
speed and strength, the joy of physical
experience. We began this ritual a couple of
years ago, as a means of running off excess
energy before bedtime; it was our children
who transformed it into a celebration of
life—indeed, into a kind of holy rite.”
Although she’s not labeled her book as a
parenting book, I was inspired to want to be
the kind of parent she is—one who lets kids
run wildly and then feels their heartbeat.
She has a great chapter on Sabbath, but
more importantly, she talks about the
overall pace of your life, and about
cherishing each moment. About an overall
pace of life that makes Sabbath possible,
since really, Sabbath is not just a day, but
a lifestyle.
Each chapter is a short, beautifully
written essay on daily life with family,
that guides you toward focusing on what
truly matters. She offers practical tips for
moms who are too busy, and touching
anecdotes about her family. Ponder them,
take your time. Try to live in the mindful,
calm way that the author guides you toward.
Quotable Quote
“Sabbath is time sanctified, time
betrothed, time we perceive and receive and
approach differently from all other time.
Sabbath time is unlike every and any other
time on the clock and the calendar. We are
more intimate with it. We are more thankful
for it. We are more protective of it and
generous with it. We become more ourselves
in the presence of Sabbath: more vulnerable,
less afraid. More ready to confess, to be
silent, to be small, to be valiant. There is
no day in all creation that can banish our
aloneness, even while meeting us in it, like
this day.” (Mark Buchanan, The Rest of God,
p. 35.)
Deeper Connection
What are some small steps you could take to
make Sundays a more restful day? What do you
want to say no to? Where are you longing for
freedom? What would you have to shift in
your life to experience Sabbath time?
Connecting with Keri: Speaking
Keri is not available for speaking
engagements during the summer.
Keri will lead a retreat for the Women’s
Christian Conference of Northwest
Pennsylvania Sept. 12-13 in Saegertown, PA.
She will be in Southern California for
the week of October 13, 2008. If you are in
that area and are interested in having Keri
speak, you can go to
www.keriwyattkent.com and
click on the link to speaking. Besides the
week in California, Keri is currently
accepting speaking engagements for December
2008 and beyond. You can see her full
speaking schedule at
www.keriwyattkent.com
Connecting with Keri: Web
Check out
Keri’s blog, Deep Breathing for the Soul, at
www.keriwyattkent.com/soul/
You can read Keri’s latest musings on the
connection between faith and real life, you
can post a question about any of her books
or other writings.
If you are a
parent or work with kids, and feel like you
are always pouring out, click over to Keri’s
“For Your Soul” column
http://www.christianitytoday.com/childrensministry/articles/
and get filled up. This column, written
for those who minister to children, will
give you encouragement and practical help
with nurturing your own soul.
|
